Monthly Archives: May 2011

Your FREE daily counseling session…

Whenever you feel like you have it bad, maybe you don’t know if it’s worth going on. Just think, it can always be worse. Take a look at these and make yourself feel better!

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I 116% want this!

DRINK DRIVING…

… using a phone, using your feet to steer, trying out your new autopilot invention. All things that the law frown upon and  are classified as dangerous driving! These are nothing compared to the perils that come about from bbc coventry and warwickshire and local radio in general! It is possibly the dullest thing ever and acctually nearly caused me to doze off. The first feature was a man describing the ins and outs of dressing like a victorian which was soon followed by a feature which asked the question what is better a cat or an airoplane (!) This genuinehad an old man giving us a live tour of an airoplane museum over the airwaves (no pun intended). I image he looked a bit like this from the knee down:

 

 

 

 

 The sport section comprised of live snooker commentary. The jist of this was “he is trying to pot the red… he did it”

If this doesnt send you to sleep and wrap your car around a tree then it will make you want to drive off a bridge. I would like too see the statistics for local radio related road traffic accidents or even fatalities. The world is a safer place without local radio.

Come to think of it this does acctualy bring about the question; Why didn’t I change station?

A mans guide to surviving the close season

If you are like me and are not sure how you will cope with out football every weekend here are a few Ideas to get you by:

1, Spend some ‘quality’ time with your girlfriend. If she is not aware it’s the end of the football season DO NOT tell her as you can gain mega brownie point which can be redeemed for pub/ match time when the season starts again.

2, If you do not have a girlfriend get one. A kind of a distraction theory. You will not be too worried about the lack of football when you are snuggling in the cinema and txting her how amazing she is. By the time the season comes around , say 9 weeks, the novelty of a new girlfriend will have well and truly worn off and you can focus back on the football.

3, Move to Russia, Choose a club to follow over there as the football season continues all through the summer!

4, Spend the spare time designing/ building a time machine. You will never need to witness a close season again! Might make a bit of money aswell if you sell your creation to apple.

5, Hibernate, time goes quickly when you are asleep!

6, Go to the cricket, wear your football shirt, watch it like Poznan fans do with your back to the action, close your eyes and it could pass for a match at the emirates. Repeat each weekend.

7, Watch DVD’s and season reviews of your clubs successful seasons and pretend you don’t know the scores.  You can guarantee a succesful season then!

8, Lobby the FA for A 365 day season but change the rules so the players get a week off at christmas. That would justify some of the wages.

9, Create your own country, you can then run that country’s FA and make the season whenever you want, you may have some issues importing your club into your new country but to be honest I would focus on the making of a new country first.

10, Sit in the corner of your living room rocking back and forth grasping the sky remote in one hand and football rattle in the other watching sky sports news on repeat. Hysterically counting down the seconds untill the charity shield kicks off!

Think the website needs a bit of work.

I quote “a professional finish every time” Shame as much effort wasnt put into the website!

Its up there…

…with question’s like “Whats the meaning of life?” and “Does God exist?”. Well for me anyway. I often find myself pondering the same question but never get any closer to an answer. Well here’s the question:

“If you were a tramp would you choose to be homeless in a posh fancy area or one which isn’t as nice and a bit grim?”

There are a few sides to this argument:

My first thoughts were that in a posher area, such as Mayfair, you might get given more money and it is a much nicer area to be which might also perk you up a bit when feeling glum. A no brainer right? Hold your horses! I dont know if economics is high on the priority list of tramps but surely saving money is, and for this reason I propose being homeless in a less affluent area. In a poorer and less glamorous area you may not get as much in terms of spare change quantity but things like a cup of coffee, food would be cheaper and most corner shops do the 6 cans of red stripe for a fiver deal. Would this leave more disposable income in the hands of the homeless? or would it all be proportional? Also I feel people in a less affluent are may be able to empathise more and result in greater acts of niceness. Saying that if you were media hungry and wanted to make it as  an ‘it-tramp’ the posher places are the place to be.

I thought I had an epiphany when I came up with the idea of the tramp commuting. He cold busk in a posh area and spend the fruits of his labour in a cheaper area! Genius! But no, if you had to get a bus or tube that would already put you at a loss for the day and walking might put extra wear and tear on the shoes which aren’t cheap to replace.

All I can say is that I hope this doesn’t happen to me as I’m not sure I would be able to decide, moral of the story; Try not to be homeless, it’s more complicated that it seems.

I am a man of simple pleasures…

and this is definitely one!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Whilst we are on the topic check this trailer out:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/tv/3569619/Keith-Chegwin-stars-in-horror-film-being-unveiled-at-Cannes.html