Polish Fashion….or lack of

I know the Polish get bad press for their fashion disasters i.e. double denim, red trainers, Kappa Tracksuits etc.

I was looking to ignore this stereotype but on a recent visit they have done themself no favours. The fact these shops are still flourishing speaks volumes:

Another popular fashion shop is aptly named ‘EVA MINGE’

‘Nuff Said

On my Ipod; Christmas Special

OMG!! I LOVE CHRISTMAS MEGA LOADZ! and to prove it here is a count down of my top 5 crimbo songs!

1,Last Christmas- Wham

2, Jonah Lewie – Stop the cavalry

3, The Pogues – Fairytale of new york

4, Santaclause is coming to town - Jackson 5

5, Stay another Day – East 17

Barber Man Wanted

Might apply…

Today’s Winners…

Things I like this week:

-CHRISTMAS!!! Tacky Christmas stuff everywhere! god I love CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

-GET STUFFED taxidermist. What a good name, cant remember where it was now, in the same vein; hair stylist named CURL UP and DYE! LOLING HELL

-RYANAIR they are brilliant! £0:16p to get to Poland and back all-inclusive! Who cares if they want to make you pay for the bog!

This week i am not liking;

-CYCLISTS: ooh look at me Wr eco warrior with my high viz vest and ill fitting lycra shorts thinking im a pro and all road users should bow before me and can’t be assed to stop at red lights, stupid stupid people. Here’s a tip have a few pints and ride your stupid bike home… without a helmet… i dare you!

- WORK I well is gealous of them people who won about a bzilion pounds on the Euro millions.

- LAZY IDLE POSTIES, This should be short lived as they all will be out of work as people decide not to use them because they are too lazy. Lets see you fight the reform when you are out of work!!

On todays Ipod

This week i hvae been mostly listening to:

-Wolfmother

-!!!

-The XX

OMFGSHOP!

I stumbled across this shop on a walk to camden the other week.

 

One shop you wouldnt want your kid seen in!

Paid £1:30 for a pee

Pirates are starting to piss me off!

I have lost all respect for pirates they just arent making the effort anymore!

For example:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Think they are cool with motor boats and guns, bet they have a blackberry! I think you’ll find that they would command more respect if they made the effort, everyone likes a proper pirate.

For Example:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thats a pirate!!

Seriously, have a day off!

http://www.nme.com/news/barry-white/47990

You have to be joking!

Funny Engrish LOLZ

We decided to go to the pound shop and buy lots of toys to play with yesterday. There is obvious reasons these toys are a quid! Check the chinese translations/ spellings!

Competition Time

There is a real live mouse in our flat, Can you spot him?!

Moral Dilemmas

Right,heres the situation:

You meet a girl who looks like this…

You look down and she is wearing these:

Do you persue??!!

This truly is a toughie.

What I learneded today

Some things I learnt today that you can/ cant do:

 -A cab driver is supposed to ask each of his passengers whether they are carrying diseases such as smallpox and the plague’. A driver is allowed to urinate in public, as long as it is on the rear wheel of the vehicle with his right hand placed on it.

-There is still a law that requires the commanding officer of a Royal Navy ship to hand over a barrel of rum to the Constable of the Tower of London when entering the Port of London.

-It’s illegal to drive or conduct cattle through any street between 10am and 7pm

-Beat or shake a rug in any street in the Metropolitan Police District Though you can shake a doormat before 8am.

-Die in Parliament

-Enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour

-Shag in Epping Forest

-Be drunk in a pub

-Dance In some Pubs

-Go into Space

-Wash your clothes in the fountains in Trafalgar Square

-To blow any horn in public Unless you are a guard or postman

-Gamble on public transport

-Impersonate a Chelsea Pensioner

-

F>A>C>T

Cheers mate but, erm, no thanks!

 

As you may or may not be aware Ramadan has been and passed  this year. To celebarate the breaking of the fast and Eid, one of the african muslim securty guards brought loads of food in for staff to eat. I understand his heart was in the right place but seriously….

 

 

Competition Time…

We went to thepub last night. When at the pub we saw scrabble. We played scrabble. My friend ended up with these letters:

unlucky.

any words you can make from this? Answers on the back of a postcard!

Best marketing ever!!!!

Sign outside a local Italian restaurant! Nuff said!!

A bit harsh

TV first thing in the morning is vital! This morning i flicked over to the cbbc channel and saw an amputee presenter with only 1 arm, I thought this was interesting untill they refered to them self as “Handria”and “Handrew”. I heard them say this twice so I know im not making it up!

This intrigued me and so i googled it. She has had numerous complaints against her and message boards and even national papers want her sacked!!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1152466/One-armed-presenter-scaring-children-parents-tell-BBC.html 

Handria!!! a bit harsh!

Gazza’ Breakie

Upon a tube journey home after a night out i read this article in the daily rag.

Gazza woke up at 11 an and managed to sink 6 pints in 2o minutes! This is some achievement and was witnessed by a female student he had befriended.

I have analysed this data and graphically translated it into a sophisticated table. This truly puts the achievement into context:

Mind the lap!

I’m afraid i can not take credit for this. It was kindl donated to me by  Mr. Carl Palmer of caralpalmerphotorgaphy.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was taken on the district line. The only issue is you just have to decide what constitues “busy” enough to just sit on someones lap. Aparently my judgement was worng.

T’internet

A few things that i have picked up in recent weeks involving the interweb.

Firstly, we all are aware of the dangers of the internet, child abuse, pornography, pro annorexia websites, home made bombs, terrorist activity etc etc. But these seem to be nothing compared to this, another valid reason why women and football should just not associate with one another:

www.kickette.com A football blog for women, I advise you dont look does not make for nice reading, I fear I may never recover my faith in humanity after this.

On a better note i have found these two websites that are worthy of commendation. www.lamebook.com we all know someone we want to upload to it.

Also, www.textsfromlastnight.com The texts we wish our friends were articulate enough to send us!

Kilbrn Exterminators!

An exponentioal explosion of fun at 29a last saturday night. 4 comrades with 1 mission: Catch the mouse! We devised this cunning “trap” in order to snare the vermin…. Needless to say it didn’t work.

P.S. the brown stuff is peanut butter, I think we were ill informed that mice like it.

Why I believe my students endevour at college

Upon browsing Jobs I noticed this… Possibly the worst/ best job title ever!!

Why Leominster is better than London.

Upon visiting my home town I went for a walk up tobircher common. I was then violated my some extrem hardcore fly sex! So I took a picture. Not suitable for people of a nervous disposition or people who are easily offended!

Get this car!!

I was in cornwall for a football match this weekend when I walked pass this car. It needs no explaination…

What is this world coming to?

Here is a case to rival theories such as evolution, natural selection and any theories of learning! Who is not able to wash their hands without a poster with 16annotated diagrams? And if you are not able to then you probably should not be washing your own hands for fear of drowning!

Todays winners are…

Things I “like” this month.

- Airoplane food. Strictly NOT the vegetarian! You never know what it is and it always tastes the same but its amazing!!!!

-Thai People. I will have a thai bride… one day.

- Fat people wearing crocs! Seriously is it a law if you are morbibly obese to wear crocs? lol @ them!

Things i dont like this week

-Tea in a glass/glass mug. Only pop or milk should be served in a glass fluid recepticle!

-Profile pictures that dont include the acctual person!(more than likely ugly)

-The district tube line. My god dont get started it just makesme angry.

Friends Toilet

This picture is from norway, If you want to sit on the toilet people are free to come and use the urinal next to you. This is being modeled by yours truly, giving a thumbs up to an imaginary friend (he is using the urinal).

 

Ooohh?

I erected a table tennis table today, these were the spare parts left over then i “finished”. Hmmm?

I should hope so

As i’m sure you’re aware the new football season is upon us. I went to purchase a spanking new pair of boots today, the eve of my first match of the season, to find this writen on the box.

Thankfully I had 2.

Another Classic…

…taken from those epic win guys at failblog.org

On todays Ipod

Today I have been mostly listening to:

-Larikin Love

-Bon Iver

-Marvin Gaye

Proof of my failed education

It occurred to me the other day that i tend to drop a few multi syllable words fairly frequently into sentences in order to make me seem slightly more academic. The problem is nine tenths of the time i have no idea what they mean, for instance:

-Juxtaposition (what the hell is that)

-unmitigated (opposite of mitigated?)

-Rudimentary (some school age?)

-Vernacular (seriously no idea!)

-Loquacious (??)

-Hippopotomonstrosesquippediliophobia ( I know what this means – fear of long words!)

I use all of these words at least daily. It just sounds good throwing them in a sentence from time to time. Sounds like i make sence!

PLEB!

SLap A Da BAss Man.

Seriously this is the funniest thing in the world! Prepare to be rushified

The news in brief

Okay so I dont want to bang on about the trip too mch and there are far too many stories to convey on here so what I am going to do is give you a few key words for ou to piece together and it should more or less give you the jist. You make the story as you see fit but it wont be too far from the truth… Here we go…

FULL MOON PARTY, FAIL, AIROPLANE, OWL, PROSTITUTE, HAMOCK, BUDDAH, CHANGING OF WAYS, MISSED FLIGHTS, BORIS JOHNSON, DIVING, LADYBOY(S), SIGNING LIFE AWAY, WHITE LIES, COCKTAIL, MUSCHROOM SHAKE, SLAPPING THE BASS, HELLO MATE, TATTOO, ANTIBIOTICS, KICKBOXING.

Back with a vengance (and a skin rash)

Wow… So I have just got back from thailand and have many a good story to share. Lets strat with this wonderous piece of marketing. Lost in transtlation I believe!

 

MISSING PERSON PLEA

My good friend has fallen in love. The trouble is he has lost her. We aren’t sure of her name or where shes from but we last saw her at candybox, aka, moonlighting just of Soho square, London. She is the one on the far right with the gentleman in question next to her (the one with the face of Joy).

I you have seen her you would make a young man very happy.

Spot the Ladyboy…

ANSWER: All of them! I would be lying if i said this did not scare me upon the eve of leaving for bangkok city!

OMG! I cant believe I have not posted this already.

I seriously dare you not to laugh… It gets beter every time. I have watched this 1143213 times and i still laugh every time! Moral of the story… Be careful what you wish for!

On todays Ipod…

Today i have been mostly listening to:

-The Maccabees

-The Teenagers

-The Rapture

This may change your life…

Top 5 instruments in the workplace to use to spread pate on a cracker if you have no knife…

1, Finger

Get to suck the pate off after as a little bonus.

2, Bank Card

Beware of bits that get stuck in the indentations!

3, Coleagues Pencil

Not everybody enjoys the woody after taste. CAUTION: May contain nuts.

4, Post-it notes

Can get messy.

5, Plastic Fork

Allows for a better spread than its alloy cousin but can get pate particles trapped between tongs.

The wonders of TV

Maybe it is for resons such as this I feel I have to go out every saaturday night…?

Todays Winners…

Things I like today…

- Sweet Chili Sauce

-Drunk people dancing in night clubs thinking and pretending they know the words to a song so instead just mouth something that they feel they think is somewhere near! LOLZ!

-Funny looking Thai money

Things I don’t like today:

-Banana ketchup

-Wannabe philosophical quotes such as “Its the imperfections that make us perfect” and the like. A double hate for if they are posted anywhere on a facebook profile!

-Night buses from clapham!

Nervous?

God the poor lad! funny though! Stolen from fail blog.

On My Ipod

A bit of a hangover cure, today choons:

-Placebo

-Bright Eyes

-Chatham County line

Get in!

Adam Peters (Designer & WordArt Master)

Every other blog you come accross on here has examples of design work or art people have done, I have had enough so I am going to show them a thing or two!

This is one I created, and designed, myself. A fine use of word art if i do say so myself. All the text accross one line and I heard a rumour if you take it to a supermarket it will actually scan as a barcode!

GOD IM GOOD!

Out of Office Reply…

This is acctually how I feel today, just so you know.

Amy Winehouse Lives By Me! (maybe)

Had to have a chuckle at this, Living in glitziest London this is just up the road from me. Upon first glimpse it looks like a crack den but no, look at the front door, it has been, somewhat ironnicaly I believe, named ’THE CHALLET’. Must add another £100 to the weekly rent!

Todays Winners…

Today I like:

-When saying goodbye; standing far enough away from someone you have not long met for the first time whilst their other friends give them a hug goodbye. Meaning you know you only have to wave, smile and mouth “goodbye”, without even the thought of an awkward should I give them a hug or just shake hands or just say bye?!!’ In other words awkward social situation evation tactics!

-Jumping on the cricket bandwagon, I have no Idea but now we are winning I am coming out with phrases such as “wow, what a colapse of the middle order.” and ” look how its starting to turn, regardless that was a real captains knock!??!!

-Starbucks Chai Tea Latte!

Not enjoying today:

-People having birthdays when I can’t afford them! Selfish people!

-Girls feeling the need to openly post a message to any friend on facebook stating “My god I f#*king love you missy! Miss you Babe!!xxx” Surely no need, they only live down the road!?!!!

-Swine Flu is starting to get on my tits.

Introducing… PEARL HEENAN… A true Hero

Seriously, If you dont laugh you have no soul!!!

Lovebox 2009

This weekend was a good laugh. Through the haziness I did mange to see a bit of music. Some rather better than others so here is the top and the flops!

Top:

-Datarock

-Rumble strips

-Groove Armada

-Filthy Dukes

-Simian Mobile Disco

-Doves

Flop:

-Ladyhawke

-Florence and the machine

-Boxer Rebellion

-Duran Duran (through gritted teeth)

 

Readers Corner

upon one of my fairly regular outing to the local poundland I stumbles accross this book:

“Footballers Haircuts” A run through of all the best barnets of the football world. Here are just a few of my favorites:

On my Ipod…

Severly influenced by the lovebox weekend on my Ipod today…

-Datarock

-Noah and the Whale

-Duran Duran

Look and read…

Look and read, Used to go absolutely skitz at school for this, Geordie Racer, Ollie the alien and the like. Highlight of the week went mental for a bit of magic, magic e aswell!

And todays Winners are…

Things I am “liking” today:

-Refering to slightly eccentric people as “fruits”

-Samuel Mulveys facebook status updates

- Volvic Touch of fruit (strawberry)

Things I am not a fan of today:

-That Little Shit Ben kid from Eastenders what a whimpering brat!

-The man fraudulently claiming benefits in order to have operations to make him look like the devil! What a fruit.

-People Blaming michael Jacksons Death on when his hair was on fire 20 years ago?! Get a grip- I set fire to my school tie in science 9 years ago and theres nout wrong with me :/

On todays Ipod…

Today I have been mostly listening to:

- Les Savy Fav

-Mercury Rev

-Good Old war

-Fatboy Slim